Single Life

I was driving to work one day, juggling my breakfast in one hand and trying to drive with the other, when I overheard a couple radio DJs discussing the "single life". Here's what they asked: What sort of things did you do as a single person that you wouldn't do as a married person?

I didn't give this question a lot of merit, because I like to believe that everything I do is practical and normal and everyone else does it, too, but then people started calling in to the radio, and now I can't forgive them for opening my eyes to the truth.

DJ: Yes, what's your single story?

Man: I left frozen chicken on the counter to thaw while we were at work. It was at room temperature when supper time came around and so I started to cook it. My wife made me throw it away, but if I were single, I would have eaten it.

DJ: Hey! What's your single story?

Woman: I used to bite my fingernails and spit them on the floor until my husband said he'd make me vacuum every day. I did that all the time in my old apartment. (sick)

DJ: Welcome to the show. Tell me your single story.

Man: Toothpaste in the bathroom sink was no problem before, and actually it was proof that I was even brushing my teeth, but when my girlfriend saw it, I haven't gone back. I clean it out every morning.

This prompt made me wonder: Is singledom simply a state of sanitary ignorance? Well, to prove them a little bit right, here's what might not exist (or might exist) in my world if I were ma...ahem....marr....hummhum.....married. There, I said it.

1. My bookmarks might not be wrappers from Lindor Truffles.

2. That old blankey might not be the centerpiece of my bed.

3. Shoes might not take up half the closet space. I'm assuming I'd have to take care of that. Zip and seal bags? Storage for "winter shoes" and "summer shoes"?

4. My hair on the bathroom counter wouldn't exist, or at least maybe I'd take extra steps to make that way.

5. High school knickknacks may be given away.

6. I might not feel justified in watching a girly movie and eating an entire bag of chips. Plus, Glee (the show that I love to hate) might also disappear from my weekly schedule.

7. I might wake up at my alarm time.

8. White, purple, and teal might not be an acceptable color scheme for adulthood.

9. I might be on time to life. I say "life" because I'm usually late for everything.

10. I might actually sit down for a meal rather than eat an apple at 9, a muffin at 11, lunch at noon (sometimes), and at least three cups of coffee somewhere in-between those moments; after 12:00 I might not mooch candy or Chewey bars from students, teachers' lounge treats, or a large glass of water when the last two things are out of reach. At 4 I won't eat cookie bars from Cherie's stash and drink a large glass of orange juice, eat supper with the Rozendals, eat dessert with the Rozendals, or eat Lindor Truffles for midnight snack. Maybe this will change. I guess it will have to since Cherie won't be there to feed me. UNLESS I spend ma....hahemmm....marr.....humhummm....married life forever living in their upstairs!

Ok, so maybe singledom has a certain reputation for good reason. But how can you help it? When you are the only one to please, you pretty much know how you want it and you won't complain if you find old wrappers in books or hair in the sink.

But. You know. Life comes with changes. Ahem. [uncomfortable moment for author]

Resolving Stuff

This year I'd like to change things up a bit. Last year I started the new year by working late in my classroom and going to bed at 11:30 because I couldn't stay up any longer. This year I spent it with friends. Thus, it's time for changes all around.

I'd like the following:

1) to be gracious to others and to myself

2) to be honest

3) to redeem that daily, conversing, consistent walk with Christ

4) to listen more

5) to be sarcastic less (or to be sarcastic in appropriate places, like girls' night or any time I'm watching trash reality TV, not board/staff meetings or with straightforward situations)

6) to finish the projects I begin

7) to talk with family and make efforts to see them

8) to maybe exercise or something (This one's a dumb one. I like playing volleyball when the occasions for it arise. I like running in nice weather. I like sitting on the couch and reading a magazine in dreary weather, so....)

9) to throw shy, or excuses that I'm shy, out the window

10) to be frugal

Since most of them require "more" of something these goals can't really be met. Thus, I guess the only main goal is letting that wonderful God-given conscience I know is in there somewhere have a voice. I'm going to grow up a little bit this year.

Happy New Year to you. May it be a very merry one, and may your resolutions help you resolve something.