Sunday, June 17, 2012

Saturday's the Day

Here's something I wrote for my dad about 5 years ago. Happy Father's Day!

Saturday’s the Day
                Today is another one of those days where Dad wakes me up early, before dawn. No chance of Saturday morning cartoons or hanging out with friends. He’s had the pickup running for ten minutes and my boots and mittens lay next to my door. I, however, arise slowly, like Bambi just learning to walk.
                I feel my way to the coffee and slice a piece of banana bread Mom baked the night before. It was not often that I felt that the sun of early-morning spring Saturdays was intended to be seen rising.
                After I let the fireplace warm my backside, I turn quickly to feel the cool morning air seep through our double-wide trailer windows mixing with the warmth of our fireplace. I pull on my sweatshirt and my first layer of mittens and socks. My hair is tousled and unkempt, indicative of the day we have ahead of us.
                Tyrel, who is fifteen and usually sleeps ‘til noon when Dad is away trucking, walks slowly with his head down, eyes squinted, toward the bathroom. He flushes the toilet a minute later and repeats my routine.
                “We’ve got five minutes,” says Dad. “Pack your lunch, and let’s go.”
                He loads his chainsaw in the bed of the truck. He checks for our goggles, gloves, and earmuffs underneath the one long seat of his farm truck, and just as if this morning air requires some attention rubs his hands together, looks up at the sky,  and lets out a foggy breath into the cool, crisp mountain air.
                As we drive through Main Street, Dad’s farm truck adds to the familiar purr of early-morning diesel engines—some of them parked alongside the Garden CafĂ© where men get their coffee before another long day of work. Some days, Dad will join in the local farmers’ talk of produce. But we do not stop. This particular morning, Dad is not a Farmer.
                Inside the truck, CB radio static fills the sleepy silence, like white and fuzzy television screens or listening to someone open a candy wrapper in church. Truckers rattle off jokes about their women from back home. Dad does not pick up conversation with them as I’ve seen him do before in cross-country trucking trips. He is not a trucker today, and so we head out of town toward the mountains.
                Five minutes down the road, Dad cracks his triangle window and lights a cigarette, then holds his coffee cup in the same hand as he waves the two-fingered wave at both neighbors and strangers. I tuck my head into my hood, and before long we bound and bump along mountain roads too jagged and narrow for my father’s truck.
                Taylor’s Fork, my father’s great discovery, is our destination, sixty miles from home and five or more turns down gravel and dirt roads. There is a clearing, a sort of meadow, at the base of Taylor’s Fork. It was here that Dad spent the previous summer camping out in our $500 camper, living the life of a logger, Tyrel as his right-hand man. On weekends, Dad and Tyrel would come home with a kettle of greasy dishes, critter-infested clothes, growling stomachs, and an extra truckload of firewood.
                Tyrel and I have put in enough time on this particular job to start our task the moment Dad parks the truck. I begin scouting dead-standing trees. Don’t scout ones with too much moss on them. No sprouts. Watch for decaying bark. Dad surely spots them long before we do, but waits for us to identify them. He is leading and Tyrel and I follow close behind, hurdling fallen branches and trees and small creeks. As we pass left by a boulder, left at a half-dead tree, right, and right again, I know that my father has memorized the route.
                “Don’t forget your path,” he says. “Remember the rule.”
                Before long we have found or first catch of the day, a dead-standing Pine.
                Dad tugs at his chainsaw at which time Tyrel and I position our goggles and earmuffs and tighten our gloves. Our rule is to stand by him at all times and wait for the timbering giant to fall.
                Buttoned up in a Carhart coat and an ‘Elmer Fudd’ hat, my father carefully and forcefully carves at an angle into either side of the tree. Even as I stand alert for it, I cannot help but see my father as one of those lumberjacks you see only in old pictures in museums—a score of men staring stoically, yet proudly, in front of their largest logs.
                “I was probably fourteen,” my father said once, “when a friend of Grandpa took me to log with him. He showed it all to me.” My little brother was around the age of seven when he first saw one timber.
                Tyrel does not watch the tree, but watches Dad, watches the way Dad operates the chainsaw, and moves where Dad moves. My brother has even picked up the lingo so it’s not uncommon to hear, “Yep…mhmmm…by the crick.”
                When the tree begins to sway, Dad gives it a little nudge from one side. A nudge will never actually point it toward a different direction, but Dad likes to show that he can control where it falls. Soon a crackling noise beyond the protection of our earmuffs demands our attention, and we watch the watch the four-storied tree—one-hundred or more years of growing—fall to the ground, clearing anything beneath it.
                This is our cue to begin the next phases rolling the base logs down the trail—after Dad slices them. Casually, our loads become lighter and so we begin to carry two or more logs in our arms, sometimes blocking our eyesight when we do not want to take make another round to the truck. And our reward comes each time my brother and I creep back up the trail for another armload of wood. We hear our father’s bellowing singing voice beyond the constant bumble of the chainsaw.
                We pretend not to notice his melody. “Then sings my soooooooul, my Savior God to theee. How great Thou art. How great Thou art!” Soon he sings his own melody. “I saw the light! I saw the light!...Ya ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time…Oh play me some mountain music, like grandma and grandpa used to play…”
                If you look closely, you see his tapping foot and his head bouncing to a beat.
                I once heard that singing can be a reflection of a person’s joy. If that’s the case in logging too, Dad’s the most joyful man on a mountain right now. Tyrel and I laugh along, even though we are slightly embarrassed, and yet relieved that only the rocks and trees and bears can hear his joy.
                When lunchtime comes, Tyrel and I tease each other and pass Dad a sandwich and try not to laugh about the singing.
                “We’ve got a couple more trees to do,” he says. “Let’s get to it,” and we start our routine again: earmuffs, nudge, roll the bases, armloads, medley, embarrassment.
                We work away the hours at Taylor’s Fork, clearing out dead-standing trees one at a time. Sometimes when Dad is not looking I pull both my thumbs and indexes together to make a frame. I pretend to capture moments in pictures of his on-the-side occupation. I pretend that Dad is standing in front of dead-standing trees and logs rolled into a pile as he is posing for a picture that will one day hang in a museum, where lost arts often go.
                I’ll add our logging pictures to those which I’ve labeled Dad: early Saturdays weeding our massive gardens; early Saturdays fishing at the lake; early Saturdays feeding pigs on the farm; early Saturdays delivering loads of lumber from Butte, Montana; early Saturdays painting, raking, building, mowing, camping, boating.
                Tomorrow we’ll let Dad have his Sunday dinner reminisces, bringing my family back to places like this and times like this when work like this could keep any family on their feet for more than a cold winter. 

Friday, June 8, 2012

Third Wheel Part 2

A while ago I posted about finding myself in third-wheel situations. It happens constantly. But there is good news here. Last week Ryan and I went to a grad party....with a third wheel in tow. I couldn't help but sympathize with her but also I couldn't help but bring that matter up front. Poor girl. Had to deal with my sudden belief that the third wheel no longer applies to me.

Anyway, I found a few more third-wheel pictures you may enjoy.

Giraffes

Frank the rabbit

It happens in Asian countries, too.
And for good measure, here's one of Josh, Kearsen and me. 


Hiney


If I become a mother I'm going to have my kids say "hiney" instead of butt. Butt is an ugly word with negative connotations. Hiney is much less assuming, but I don't want to say it with a mid-western accent because then the kids will be living in a world reflective of Bobby's World. 


You can bet 'cher boots on that there, sir. 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Freckles

I've mentioned briefly that freckles have been tormentors of my self-perception.
My selection of freckles.
People like to say things about them, too:

They are rust spots.
They are angel kisses.
Your shoulder freckles are so awesome.
AhhhH! Look at all your freckles.
Is that one large freckle on your nose?
Do you tan anywhere?
You look like Lindsay Lohan (I don't, by the way, but she has freckles)
Oh, I get freckles too (points to a few freckles on cheeks or nose)
Who'd you get your freckles from?

I want first to say that every winter I nearly forget I have them. When spring comes I'm vaguely aware. Then summer comes, which is the time when everyone else becomes aware. People have told me I'll outgrow them, implying how childish they must seem on a woman, or they've said, "Just wait and see if they'll pull together" or "I've found the Big Dipper!"

More or less, I love them. It's like the gap in my teeth or my super-small ears or my green-blue-brown...hazel?....eyes. They just make me, me.

I'd like to know, what's the thing about you that people notice (and comment on) the most?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Oh How He Loves Us


Here's something I wrote for my students:

I thought today would be difficult. After some planning and eating a brownie for breakfast I walked to the office to print off some quizzes and handouts. They call Clarence a bear for a reason, so you know. Immediately he gave me a comforting side-hug, the best kind of hug, if there is such a thing. A little later Mrs. Van Zyl warmed her tea and waited by the microwave for those two minutes while I sat at the computer. The microwave is sort of our spot, now that I think about it. But today she stood around just a little longer. 
It took a little time to get back into the mindset of school, to initiate conversation with students, tell them an obnoxious good morning like the teachers always do. It was like all I could do was replay the whole event in my mind, and I still can't fathom it. What on earth was he doing on the side of the highway at one in the morning? Why haven't they found his car? Surely not Josh, the little guy who used to make armpit farting noises with my brother Tyrel. The kid who grew into a young man and not only completed his first year at Dordt but assumed a leadership position on the student symposium. The kid who was majoring in pre-law.
This morning, the students were walking, doing what they do, thinking their own things, moving off to classes, and all-the-while I forgot to say "Good morning!" I was just somewhere else. But something really interesting happened. The students began stopping by and saying, "Hey. Sorry about what happened. Are you sure you're okay?" I stood amazed at the people God uses to calm your mind and heart when it's raging. Thank the Lord for them, that for them life moves on, so you feel okay to keep moving too, whatever the pace. I didn't expect to laugh so hard during Composition today or to firmly regain the teacher voice. 
The daylight hours only last so long, though, and the you're left with your mind, that relentless, insufferable organ. 
Now I sit here, thinking that what's so crazy about all of this is that what happened to Josh--the tragedy of it--is not a one-time deal. In the past two years, and all on my mom's side of the family, my uncle passed away in a farming accident, my cousin Brandon was caught in a lightening storm on the Grand Tetons and died, our grandma passed away peacefully, and now Josh, and I just keep thinking, "What next?" Nothing can shock me now. 
There's no going backward or anything. I can't tell Josh not to go out that evening or tell Brandon that there would come a storm. It would have been pointless to tell Uncle Daryl to steer clear of that hill; he was too stubborn anyway and probably would have laughed in my face. All these things you feel like you want to undo but can't and so you're left with what is now and what is coming. 
In these moments, "Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, and I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...oh how he loves us."
Dear students, there is a God who loves you. Deeply. 
Please, if you do, tell your parents you love the Lord. At Brandon's funeral, that's what Uncle Bob told us to do, this big farmer holding a microphone, shaking at the knees, and fisting away tears.  

Monday, April 30, 2012

It's Poetry I Teach

A month ago, I taught a poetry unit, and so my students were forced to write it. After they wrote about 10 poems, I forced them to create it into a book, reflect on their style as a poet, and be decorative.
I thoroughly apologize to students who hate all of the latter activities.

But I'm an English teacher.

And I love poetry.

And so they will, too. Naturally.

Anyway, I'm also quite vain, so I see the very best of what my students have written and take complete credit for it.

But my favorite parts of these poetry books have been the dedications and the selected quotes. More or less, I'm proud of them for their work and thoughtfulness.

Also, this may be illegal to blog their writing, but I'm doing it anyway.

Student 1
Title: Poetry from a Sophomoron
"Dedicated to my dear friends that make our English class so much fun even though we may be getting in trouble, being annoying, or being too loud. And also to my teacher Miss Boman, for showing us the depths of poetry and teaching us with 'all the knowledge of the universe'."
Writing poetry is the hard manual labor of the imagination. ~Imanuel Reed

Student 2
Title: Due Monday! Read pg. 1-12 or Megan's Poetry. Have a Great Weekend!
"To my English teacher, Miss Boman, who has taught me more about poetry than I ever thought I would want to learn, and also to my crazy classmates for giving me the motivation to write amazing and heartfelt poetry."
Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them. ~Dennis Gabor

Student 3
Title: A Poetic Journey
"To those who were forced to write poetry for a grade, and are unwilling to admit that they almost enjoyed it."
A poem can have an impact, but you can't expect an audience to understand all the nuances. ~Douglass Duncan

Student 4
Title: Taking Life One Day at a Time
"To my family and friends who inspire me to write random poems and show me it's okay to be yourself."
Music is the shorthand of emotion. ~Leo Tolstoy

Student 5
Title: The Undefined
"To those who understand the feeling of being serious while having fun at the same time."
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Student 6
Title: Make Your Mark
"To those who believe that the written word is essential to life."
Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out. ~J.K. Rowling

Student 7
Title: Book of Wonders
"To my friends who helped me with rhyming my words. Without the help of those wonderful people, my Book of Wonders would not be what it is today."
Non typical/Forget what lyrics say/What movies portray/What magazines imply

Student 8
Title: ________Mae's Poetry
"To country music, my inspiration for writing and to Miss Boman for pushing us to write."
Every man dies. Not every man really lives. ~William Wallace

Student 9
Title: A Waterfall of Words
"To all those kids who do not enjoy poetry and want to be free and stay young."
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. ~Robert Frost

Student 10
Title: Random is Key
"To my awesome class that helped me get through this tough poetry unit. Also to my mom who was dedicated in helping me with most of my poems. With my classmates who made poetry fun, and something that I will remember forever."
Sometimes questions are more important than answers. ~Nancy Willard

Student 11
Title: Just Words
"To those who actually like poetry...those who like writing because their voice is too quiet to be heard."
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Student 12
Title: It's Poetry!
"To all the people that influenced any of these poems. Thank you for your uniqueness, and allowing me to write about you."
Howd con Ih dew it. ~Kayla

Student 13
Title: A Ginger's Tale
"To my fellow classmates who made this poetry unit enjoyable. Also, to my teacher Miss Boman for teaching me and my classmates."
What is my life, if I am useless to others? ~Wolfgang

Student 14
Title: All the Poems
"To all the peole who think they're terrible at poetry - just read mine."
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Student 15
"To all the poetry lovers of CCHS. Hope you enjoy this as much as I had fun writing it."
O captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells; Ris Up-for you the flag is flung-for you the bugle trills. ~Whitman

Student 16
Title: Le Rage Book!
"To my best friend in the whole world, who had no effect on this book."
Life is a long preparation for something that never happens. ~William Butler Yeats


There you have it: a number of students' inspirations and thoughts.

I get to teach that :)

Friday, April 6, 2012

Fight Club

Fight Club

Grotesque and intriguing, this film is about a young man wrought with living a mundane life. he lives in a high-rise apartment, eats out at a local diner, and goes to work every day. (His run-ins with the boss are hilarious, by the way). He claims that it's the repetitive and civil lifestyle that contribute to insomnia. The only thing to calm him are cancer support groups, none of which apply to him, but in them he is able to cry in the arms of a man named Big Tits and finally sleep, that is until Marla, another support group fraud, begins attending the support groups. Soon after, the narrator meets Tyler in an alleyway where the two fight until they're bleeding. They begin Fight Club.

Beyond the blood, the head bashing, or the skin-singing, what disturbed me most was the main character's tone of narration, a flat but mused voice that recounted events leading up to the present, each stated as though it could happen to anyone, that it may have happened already to you.

These events were unusual. The narrator finding an old abandoned house in a desolate district after his apartment blew up, Marla sleeping with Tyler, but the narrator was never in the same room as the two, the compliance from thousands of men who worked and supported families but were also part of Fight Club, the Robin Hood-like nature of Tyler (was he really that evil? Yes.) the moment Big Tits dies and there is a learned reaction from the followers not to show emotion for the loss of human life. Is masculinity in its truest form really so animalistic and brutal? Is Marla's femininity what saved the narrator?

The man was an insomniac. By day he was the narrator; by night he was Tyler Durden. It's quite Freudian. We are not who we are when we are alone. We are someone just a little different with our closest family members and friends, who choose to believe the best in us. We are entirely different in society. True? I believe so.

The narrator was trying to find truth but also be his truest and best form of a human--leave the insignificant things, like working your way up in the American Dream and instead induce fear into people until they discover what it is they need to be that matters. The narrator makes it clear by the end of the film. We need to have a little of both qualities in us. We should fear the system, we should be civilized, but we should not accept it to a fault. Likewise, we should not separate ourselves completely because we need still to identify with humanity and to be able to know what love is. A little of both and you become a smarter person, a critical thinker, and one who is content enough to accept the world around him but always question it.

This film is about compliance and whether we will choose to obey the system or not.

Watch it, but beware, the blood and brutality is unforgettable.