The Art of Dropping Phones

There is an art to dropping and to losing your phones. I have compiled a list of rules or prerequisites to doing so.

1. You must have really small or sideways coat pockets. A phone can easily slip out of your pocket if you bend, sit, lean, or jump up and down. I know this because I have small coat pockets and do all these movements each day and my phone usually falls out of my pockets.
SOLUTION: Find a coat with a zipper.

2. You must be clumsy. A clumsy person is one who finds that spatial awareness eludes them. This person often sees an uneven ledge in the sidewalk but fails to step a little highter. I know this because I have done it. I blame it on my skinny feet...or maybe it's my cerebellum or something up there. Anyway clumsiness results in dents, scratches, and odd ground stuff imbedded in your phone. I just slipped on snow last night, as a matter of fact, and dropped my phone.
SOLUTION: Play the Wii.

3. You must be spacey. When a friend hands your phone to you saying, "Don't forget your phone," and you grab it and continue talking and talking and you have to blow your nose so you go and blow it and you need to talk some more so you talk and you have to leave so you leave, and you walk down their steps thinking about the content matter so intently that you walk past a huge snow bank and get into your car and drive home and start to set your alarm for the next morning but realize your phone is neither in your small, sideways pockets nor in your car, nor in your purse, nor on any shelves or in any drawyers or in any bags or on the ground, and you have to find your phone so you search and search and search, you may be spacey. (Try diagramming that sentence)
SOLUTION: Pat the pocket or place where your phone is to check that it's there.

4. If you're going to lose your phone, it must be on silent.
SOLUTION: At least put it on vibrate.

I conclude that phones in my possession don't stand a chance.