"If Only"

"If only, If only," the woodpecker sighs, 

"the bark on the trees was as soft as the skies"

while the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,

crying to the mo-oo-on

"If only, If only."

~Louis Sachar

I used to be an "if only" kind of girl.

If only Mom and Dad had been wealthy, they could have paid for my wardrobe and medical things.

If only Grandpa was still alive, maybe our family would never fight.

If only I had someone to remind me to do devotions every day, I'd never have doubts.

If only people would just leave me alone. Then I'd be truly content.

If only college could last forever and if only it was never stressful, I'd be happy never to make a real life decision.

If only I lived closer to the mountains, I'd exercise a lot more.

If only my best friends lived closer, I'd be exactly who I'd like to be.


Sometimes I am still an "if only" girl. I worry about things from the moment I wake up. Am I doing it right? What are they thinking? What needs to get done? I should have done that a week ago! I just don't want to go out for a bit. Should I go for a walk? No. No time. Is it okay that I read? I feel like I should be doing work stuff.

I don't fully believe myself when I say "if only". A person can always believe there's something better at a different vantage point or that someone else has it better. Likewise we can over-punish ourselves for who we are, knowing that we're sinful, but not letting God's grace in entirely.

But I can't totally rule out my "if only" statements. Sometimes they keep me moving and set a standard for how I'd like to be. Worry and stress sometimes push me to get stuff done, and efficiently. Some stress is good, right? But it can't be the first thing that consumes your brain in the morning.

This morning I'm going to iron my clothes, then eat breakfast and read a little, do devotions, and get ready for church. If only I could be....I mean, I'm glad to be here this morning, right where I am.